Making Of / 28 August 2018

Vol. 1:003 Being Forged by an Eternal Flame: Longing for the Tree of Life

Vol. 1:003 Being Forged by an Eternal Flame: Longing for the Tree of Life

Longing for the Tree of Life

I submitted four concept designs to Facebook and most people chose number 4 versus all other concepts. I think two or three others liked version 2 which I liked more than 4. I like the cinematic approach to seeing darker images in front and a central theme, the Tree of Life, in the back rather than being at the Tree in the foreground. Here are the concept designs I posted on Facebook:

For the past two weeks, I have had the opportunity to regain my strength by being in the hospital. I don’t like being there but it was good to get on the right medication dosages, and in some ways prove to the doctors that I was well enough to go home.

To be told, as I count it a blessing, “You will be on medication the rest of your life and will never work full time. You are totally and permanently disabled” was probably a difficult thing to hear, but the best blessing I have ever received. Having heard this difficult thing, was hard to hear because I could hear all of the repercussions of how this little phrase, “never work full time” would fit into view with my being able to provide for myself, and my loved ones didn’t really make sense to me. Being the “breadwinner” means a lot to me and what I can do for my family.

Ultimately, it came of pride I was holding onto—my desire to want to be the provider—is up to God as he provides for his saints as said in the Doctrine & Covenants from Jehovah himself through the Prophet, Joseph Smith. The Lord says, 

14  I, the Lord, stretched out the heavens, and built the earth, my very handiwork; and all things therein are mine.

15  And it is my purpose to provide for my saints, for all things are mine.

16  But it must needs be done in mine own way; and behold this is the way that I, the Lord, have decreed to provide for my saints, that the poor shall be exalted, in that the rich are made low.

D&C 104:14-16

In reality, everything we have, have had, or will have in the future belongs to the Lord. All things come from Him, and He decides which job I have, which opportunities come to me and my family, which things both good for me or not good for me He allows me to pass through such as challenges, trials, blessings in disguise, or hard and even difficult things—that will be better for me in the end.

With someone with paranoia (on an off the medication), delusions (on and off the medication), hallucinations (on and off the medication), this doesn’t and isn’t something to shrug off. Its like really intense, and it works and eats away at one inside, like a cavity in a tooth decay. Those little guys are in the tooth decay, working, and doing their jobs as little bacteria do, and do so well. It's like hitting a gong with a chainsaw-jackhammer and feeling the sensations, vibrations, ambiance, amplifications on one's soul for just a moment, but that feels like it lasts emotionally and mentally as a constant, pounding, repetitious audio gif, stuck in a loop, for the rest of one’s life. 

A chainsaw brush I designed: 


While at first, I didn’t want to be there. I ranted and raved about not being there when in reality, what turned into a bad situation was exactly what I needed to regain my strength, and learn about the medication that I currently am on, that is helping me have a state of calmness and patience to help me from day-to-day living.

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Mormon obviously, a member of the LDS Church, has helped me mostly because I need the structure the Lord has provided for me through the structure of His Church. One may view this Church as just a “church” and that’s ok. I am willing to bet that most people who read the content on this blog, may not be members of the LDS Church, which is great.

One thing I have learned by being a member of the Church, is the Church is set up as a divinely appointed organization built up by the Lord, the people who are in the structure of the Church, are just men and women struggling to find joy within a tumultuous world heading down the toilet very very quickly—a super swirly even!

Over a large period of my life, I have wondered what Lehi’s Dream was like until I was able to pray for guidance and the Lord taught me in a vision for myself what Lehi’s Dream was customized for me—was really like. 

I’m putting together original artwork based on the Tree of Life and Longing for the Tree of Life

The Great & Spacious Building Rough: Kitbash3D Gothic in Modo 902.  
PureRef references images of my own creating. 

These reference images are my own work drawn in 2004 at the Art Institute of Seattle drawn by hand for an unknown reason; which reason is currently known. 

I have wanted to make a great and spacious building as I had seen it in my dream in 2009.

At the top of this post is a new perspective of the great and spacious building and longing for the Tree of Life; which is ultimately to be with Christ our Savior. Having a lot of challenges with mental illness has helped me see the value of darkness versus light. Light trumps darkness, even though in art there is mostly a strong contrast between light and dark values. Where without the light darkness wouldn’t show, and without the darkness, lighter values wouldn’t appear.

This reminds me of the Book of Mormon and the law of opposition.

11  For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility. 2 Nephi 2:11

In a metaphorical sense my Savior, Jesus Christ is my Light. He is the Tree of Life, which is the love of our Father in Heaven to send His son to help us return back to live with our Father in Heaven. In the next couple posts, I will be spending more time than I have now, longing for the Tree of Life, rather than longing for the great and spacious building. I have a serious of paintings I have been wanting to explore.